Currently, I am busy with being a DEDICATED Red Cross Volunteer. Still not sure if teaching is my passion or is it really being on the game field of illnesses and the dying is my destiny, I'm currently stuck on this cause this is the only thing I can and may do as of the moment not to be an idle soul. And mind you it may seem that I'm tired of it but NO!!! I'm still enjoying every single bit of it but the constant (well not that everyday thing but still) nagging of my dear mom is affecting me already.
Honestly, if only this thing I do now love doing gives me enough to support me financially and keep me at least alive I WOULD CONTINUE SERVING. But it has come to this point that my mother's simple words kind of struck me. And yes, thinking of her age I understand why she keeps on telling me to MOVE! She's already 53 (turning 54 this June) and is not getting young. She seems to be wanting to retire ever since she got that "Laid off because of Work Description Redundancy" but then her PRIDE induced unica hija is an UNEMPLOYED BUT ONE TIME BOARD PASSER, MEDICINE PROPER FAILURE RED CROSS VOLUNTEER INSTRUCTOR at the moment and obviously I'm financially dependent to her.
A month ago I was given an opportunity to teach First Aid in the hospital I tried to applied to. The training manager asked me if I tried applying, and told me to pass my resume to her. I did and so I wished, I hope and I pray that they would call me. But hearing from my friend, co-instructor that she was hired and is waiting for her orientation schedule and that during the interview NEWLY GRADUATES WHO SUBMITTED THEIR RESUME JUST THIS JANUARY WERE HER CO-INTERVIEWEES, I just felt sad that how come newly grads are taken into consideration than us who graduated almost 3 years already and have all the trainings we needed and to add to that we are qualified enough for the job (fyi my board rating is line of 8 and i belong to the upper half of my class). Then just recently my co-instructor who submitted the resume just weeks before mine already got the call and is for examination already. Well I believe he is very much qualified, or even overqualified for the position. I also just learned that a friend is very much excited to get into the Hemodialysis world and has already finished her cases and is hoping she could be absorbed by the training center she trained in. And another friend constantly getting rackets as a reliever nurse in companies is happy with her constant relieving. I am VERY MUCH HAPPY FOR THEM, HONESTLY, but the fact that I am being left behind by these people I am used to be with through hardships and simple joys are now finding their paths now, the paths they dreamed of and wished to get into makes me happy but honestly at the same time... DEPRESSED.
Though I am positively, patiently, wishing, hoping, and praying that I WOULD BE CONTACTED SOON by any company, hospital or work place in any job position I may be placed in. I still have that feeling of negativity asking myself UNTIL WHEN? Until when can I wait? Until when do I have to be constantly told by my mom to move. Until when will I remain as a volunteer? Until when will I have to feel ALONE, facing all these problems by myself as a PRETENTIOUS BRAVE GIRL standing up after her failure in 1st year Medical Proper.
Though a positive thing I found as a a TAMBAY...
- I get to control my own time
- I still get allowance from mom :D
- I get to travel with friends and relatives whenever I want
- I can impulsively go to a certain place without the problem of being in danger of loosing a source of income, let's say a JOB
- I can just stay at home the whole day and do all the things sung by Bruno (-babes) Mars in his song THE LAZY SONG
- I can watch concerts and even be invited in events (either for a huge amount of money or the best FREE!!!)
- I can plan vacations so that when money/opportunity comes I can do them ;)
- I can be my mom & dad's spy while they're away at work (spying on our drivers, school bus helpers and house hold help)
- I don't pay any tax
- and here's the greatest thing I think... I CAN STILL BE AN ACTIVE RED CROSS VOLUNTEER!!! (told you I love being a volunteer)
I LOVE BEING A RED CROSS VOLUNTEER
I LOVE MY MOTHER
BUT THE FACT THAT I FEEL BEING LEFT ALONE, BEING STAGNANT IN MY WORLD, BEING CONTENTED IN WHAT I HAVE RIGHT NOW BUT CONSTANTLY GETTING THOUGHTS OF I NEED TO MOVE BECAUSE MOM'S NOT GETTING YOUNGER AND SO IS DAD, it just makes me feel more DEPRESSED, INFERIOR, ALONE...
