I May Have Been :)

I may have been standing for hours, but I decided to sit for hours.. I may have been assessing patients, but I decided to study a cadaver.. I may have been filling out charts all day, but I decided to fill out worksheets and manuals.. I should have been enhancing my skills, but I decided to enhance my theoretical knowledge more deeper.. This are not regrets, this is actually being blessed.. Having the chance to STUDY MEDICINE isn't for everyone, but ONLY to those who have BRAVE SOULS! MANY ARE CALLED FEW ARE CHOSEN, AND FEW ARE BRAVE ENOUGH TO PURSUE.. -from a blessed RN pursuing to be a future MD

The Grandest Decision I've Ever Made... so far

During my journey deciding whether to take up medicine or practice my profession which is nursing, everyday has been more confusing than yesterday. I kept on receiving texts from  Makati Med & also texts from Pamantasan ng Lungsod ng Maynila & San Beda... Until THAT DAY...

It was my interview day at Makati Med. I waited for our cue and filled up some forms. I just sat there and said hello to my batchmates & chatted with my fellow interviewees who were also my batchmates. Until the interview itself. It went well and we all did have great answers. I was even praised by one of the interviewers because I even still can remember the OR international safety protocol (or something like that). After the interview I checked on my friend if she was still there and yes they were still having their lecture. So I texted her to ask if I should wait for her. She said okay so I waited. While waiting some of my batchmates who were already in the program greeted me & even took time to chat with me a little. I was almost ready to go when my friend have finished and I eventually saw her. She apologized for me having to wait for her. So we talked and chatted our way out of MMC. Then right after we went out from the parking lot, my cellphone beeped. It was a text message from San Beda saying that I am already accepted to their college. To think that I already have the reservation form (which was with me cause I placed all my docs in one file case), they still texted me which made me think it was some sort of a sign that I should really think about which of the two I really wanted.

After almost 2 weeks MMC texted me for my Physical Exam. I woke up a bit late but managed to get out of the house by my expected time. And since this is the Philippines I came in late due to traffic. That 30 mins caused me to be scolded by the training dept. heads and eventually with me being annoyed. Why? How come during our interview one of the applicants who was an outsider, and late for 1 hour without any remorse was allowed to still be interviewed? While me I was just there to inform them that I would like to re-schedule my PE since I was a day before that. So I went out and started ranting about it in my head. Right then and there I told myself not to continue with that training anymore. I just hate how they feel so needed. Again like what I posted on FB & Twitter after that incident... "Hindi lahat ng nag-aapply atat pumasok sa inyo. Ginagawa ko lang ito para di ko masabi sa sarili ko balang araw na bakit di ko sinubukan." (In english: "Not everyone who tries to apply in your institution wanted to be in. I am just doing this for me not to regret that I have not tried to do such.")

After deciding and finalizing my decision, while I was teaching solo flight Standard First Aid, I recieved a call and ended it at once since it was an unknown number and continued my lecture. After the lecture during our short break I recieved a text from that number saying that he/she was from MMC and asking if I'm still interested in their training. Being decided and all I ignored it first because I don't know what to reply or how to say "Kitams ngayon kayo hahabol-habol sa akin kung papasok pa ako. Hindi na noh!" Of course I know saying such would cause me something bad so I just ignored the text. After my class I told my mom & dad about the text. They told me to reply kindly and saying the exact words I should type. After that kind text I sent a reply came up and it was a simple "goodluck.." sarcastic or genuine I appreciated it even though some might say it was just out of formality.

So now I waited for the results of PLM and yes right after my hectic week of teaching I had viewed the result that's why I have not knew it was out because I was not on the list. It was not a downfall for me it was somewhat a blessing in disguise waiting to be unfolded soon.

Now as I type this blog, I am now staring at my San Beda-COM reservation form getting ready to fill it out & as soon as I get well from the flu my pax gave me (just kidding) I shall go and pay that 20K reservation fee. PROUD AS EVER, BLESSED AS ALWAYS.

Like they always say, ONCE A BEDAN ALWAYS A BEDAN. Balik Bedista ang loka! ^_~

In the middle of nowhere

I really am having troubles right now on knowing where to go. Just like all the newly graduated, newly licensed nurses (even those who were from the July 2011 nursing boards like me), I don't know what my next step is.

I have been dreaming of being a doctor since I was a child. I even studied hard and attained good grades during my pre-school days and grade school days. I even prayed to Him and asked for a sign (this is where my "sign asking" started) if I was deserving to be on the medical field. He answered my prayer with a YES, by fulfilling my sign to put me in the medical science section (i studied at san beda alabang and way back then, they had this career tracking scheme going and we had elective subjects according to our career section). I studied hard though I may not be the top of our batch, I know I did good and good it was. I showed my family that I really wanted to go into the medical field. So entering college my mother forced me to take up nursing instead of the usual pre-med course that is biology. And not just that, she also forced me to study at makati med which was my "last priority school" Though her reasons were right and yes, I have no authority to say no. I studied hard and even struggled to walk in the same hospital where my grandma had her last breath every duty of my nursing life. It was a challenge for me not to show obvious emotions whenever I pass by the old ICU wing. The day has come and I graduated, with even a bonus PERFECT ATTENDANCE award (kahit mababaw lang kumpira sa award ng iba kong mga kaibigan, alam ko pinag-hirapan ko din yun) The really judgement day came, NURSING BOARDS. I know I should do my BESTEST since it would be a joke for me to go into medicine when I even did not pass NURSING. It was another challenge for me since a month before the exam was my cousins' vacation and that the last day of the exam was their flight (swerte ko lang at gabi flight nila) After all the months of waiting and my pagbabawi Indonesia trip (just the afternoon after our return flight) the exam results were out. And thank God for all the encouragement & inspiration I had and my pagprepressure sa sarili during those periods, I passed and even got a fairly high percentage.

Now I am only FEWER STEPS TO MY DREAM, suddenly another challenge... just before I graduated my mom got laid off from her work. And of course finances went down. I told my mom I still want to go to med school, she would always say "YES" or nod her head, but there would always be that "after-look" of a OH NO. Though my uncle (my mom's brother who never married, who i treat as my father) said he would help in funding my schooling, I still have that second thought of not splurging into it.

Opportunities also came into my way and made me think twice, and even made me into asking for another sign. First, Makati med opened hiring for our batch. I then asked my mom if she wanted me to try my chance. And obviously she said YES with a smile on her enlightened face. So I passed my resume & prayed "Lord, I know I have asked you for so many things already, and here I am again. I just want a sign, Lord. If they call me before I enroll to med school, then it is your will for me to be a nurse. And if not, Lord, just help me get through med school." Then the second opportunity came. Red Cross Muntinlupa were asking their volunteers who wants to have training as instructors. I joined in and luckily had the prestige of being trained. Now, were getting into the practicum phase. And it's quite hard for me to balance getting into med school and this, though I know I can and I will surpass. But then just this Tuesday my mom told me "Kailan mo balak mag-aral? Sa Sunday na exam mo ah." I was shocked, it was the first time she spoke and kind-of encouraged me to get into med school. I pleaded if i could have my last sit-in. We had a petty quarrel with her closing dialogue, "Ikaw bahala. Sana lang i-prioritize mo din yung exam mo." And again I was shocked, it was my first time to be questioned about prioritization. The next day she woke me up and told me to get dressed for my sit-in. So I had my last sit-in. Then just now I had a text from my fellow volunteer that we have a meeting by 4pm. I asked my dad if I could go, he responded with his sarcastic voice "eh may exam ka bukas, di ba?" I explained that it was today not tomorrow, we just had a petty quarrel and I told him, "eh di naman na pumapasok tong mga to sa utak ko eh." he told me, "Gusto lang namin magpahinga ka. Hindi ka naman namin pinapaaral eh... Kasi di ba may mga bracket din yun kung hanggang saan lang kukunin nila." (in my mind, yung totoo pahinga o pinapaaral niyo ako? sa sinabi mong bracket blah blah pinapaaral niyo ako eh)

I have no doubts in being able to study well, I love studying and understanding things. I love reading (and you would nod especially if you already saw my room and saw me during my free time ALONE moments) Though these past few days while forced into reviewing for the plm-mcat, I keep on stopping and wondering if this is what I really want to do, if these topics are the topics I want to dig deeper into for the next 3-5 years. I stop and burst into tears just wondering of the answer. Then I return reading my favorite subjects on the reviewer ANATOMY & PHYSIOLOGY, PSYCHOLOGY, CELL BIOLOGY, GENETICS. Though not like biology majors and other majors nursing just touched some of these subjects but thanks to my electives in high school I learned to love them.


A friend once told me that what I was doing is somewhat scary since I don't know what path I might take in the next 3-5 years or so. But I know whatever happens, wherever He takes me, I know I am always safe. That's why whichever profession I take, I know He would always lead me to where I belong, and guide me to help, care and hopeful alleviate suffering and cure the people I would encounter.