MIA - My Inspirational Advice

Been a while since I last posted here in my personal blog. I was so focused with my travel blog & luckily friends and family were always there to become my walking diary so I guess that made me shut up here in my blog. Hahaha.

Anyways, while I was busy juggling things around (Work-Masteral-Volunteerism) I was furious here and there staying up late, stress eating, not caring for myself much that I felt something is quite wrong with my body. I've been an Annual Physical Exam nurse for 3 years and yet I forget to check my own health. So I decided to ask our APE doctor to give me requests for laboratories for me to get a check-up. She gave me the usual APE laboratory requests, Complete Blood Count, Chest X-ray, Urinalysis, Fecalysis, Whole Abdominal Ultrasound & Blood Chemistry.

I did these tests during my APE. Well our doctor just added Ultrasound & Blood Chem from our APE package. I was glad my CBC, Chest X-ray, Urinalysis, Fecalysis were okay. Just slight derivation from the normal. Last time my Liver Ultrasound was normal to slightly fatty, so the doctor suggested me to minimize fat intake I did, for quite a while but went back to my usual stuff again. But this time the Blood Chem & Ultrasound were a shocker.

My Cholesterol levels were all elevated (Total Cholesterol, HDL, LDL) and my liver was MODERATELY FAT INFILTRATED. So yeah I really was furious despite the knowledge of what to do I asked our doctor for a more certain action. She prescribed me Rosuvastatin, I know I was doomed. The only time I get "maintenance prescription drugs" was when I was diagnosed with PCOS & Metformin was given as an aid for hormonal imbalance. But as soon as levels were normal I was asked to taper down the dose until I stopped. So I asked our doctor if this would be "for life" she told me to try for months, if it goes down to normal again she'll allow me to stop & just decrease my fat intake and improve my diet.

I was pondering for quite a while on going to the gym and following a diet plan. Well for the diet plan I was already starting. I did not eat rice for lunch and sometimes not eat dinner as well (as in not eat dinner at all) I also told myself to eat only when I feel hungry. But with my workplace that is impossible it would be impolite to not get the offered treat by your bosses isn't it?

So yeah it was a struggle, I was looking into gyms for a more accessible & cheaper deals, guess it was not for me. But that did not stop my interest to get into shape. As soon as I heard that there would be a new branch of Anytime Fitness to be opened I waited for their "founding member" discount promo. I signed up (pikit mata na lang muna sa price coz I know I need to start at least with this) and yes, I find it pricey but the benefits and the fact that I paid for something I won't use would be my motivators.

I started around November 20, 2017

Day 1... Current weight: 94.4kg 😱🙈 Target weight: 61.2kg Total to loose: 33.2kg 👊 #VioletVoyagesToAHealthierMe #OoNaKailanganSaGymPaTalagaNaVioletMotifParaMasGanahan

A post shared by Reyza Kennedy (@reyzamarx) on Nov 20, 2017 at 4:32am PST

I decided to document my journey, sharing it thru my Instagram account linking it to my Facebook & Twitter accounts as well for the following reasons:

1. It will serve as a reminder to my family & friends that I am on a fitness journey and that asking me out for drinks or having a sumptuous buffet for dinner would make me off track. 
2. It also would help me be motivated by the comments and likes from special people.

Akala niyo di ako nag fitness goals ah sabi ko sa inyo binabawi ko yung pasaway last week... Pic1-2=Monday, May 7 (Day 73)*napost ko na ata to!* Pic3-5=Tuesday, May 8-9 (Day 74) *1st time nag ibang branch... AF Chino Roces inabot ako ng 12am sa gym! 😂 tawid lang naman eh* Pic6=Wednesday, May 9 (Day 75) Pic7-8=Thursday May 10(Day 76) Back to regular programming na ayoko lang sirain yung feeds ko na panay Bruno Mars tapos sisingitan ko ng #VioletVoyagesToAHealthierMe well yung isa nung Monday nakalusot 😂😂😂

A post shared by Reyza Kennedy (@reyzamarx) on May 11, 2018 at 9:04am PDT

1. It would make me more consistent cause I know there's an audience watching my fitness voyage. 😉
2. It may help others be motivated, since I not only post my victory overcoming cravings but also the losses I have being tempted by the evil cravings, though I always say I need to get back on track after & yes I do naman. Showing them that I'm human as well.
3. It can also motivate you back, by tips from friends & fellow #FitnessGoals followers.



Comparing my results... On Day 44... Apparently bumaba yung weight ko... but bumaba din yung Muscle Mass... More weights?!?! 😣 Mukhang mag-tratransform nako to Kim Bok Joo ah... 😂😂😂 #VioletVoyagesToAHealthierMe #PurplePlaygroundForAdults

A post shared by Reyza Kennedy (@reyzamarx) on Mar 8, 2018 at 6:08am PST



4. It helps me be back on track, whenever I feel lazy or feel being deprived or down, I look at my hashtag & look into my voyage. *TIP: CREATE A HASHTAG*
5. Critics can critic but it just keeps me more motivated than ever! I remember a special person commenting on my photo as if disbelieving I cannot pull this off. Guess what BEST MOTIVATION EVER! 😜

Seryosohan na talaga to guys! #VioletVoyagesToAHealthierMe #PartidaKakagalingLangNgSakitNiyanAh #NowJuicing #PureNectar 3-day cleanse kit by @fruitmagicph

A post shared by Reyza Kennedy (@reyzamarx) on Dec 28, 2017 at 5:00am PST

So those are among the few reasons why I post... I don't brag I just want to share my journey with people whom I care the most. I was once wondering as well if I should begin my journey but seeing posts from friends all over my feed (from different places) I was motivated. Imagine one time I was still weeks from starting and feeling as if I was down, but suddenly my FB newsfeed was just full of #FitnessGoals posts. Right there & then I got off my bed, changed to my gym clothes and went on.

I started my journey at 94.4kg (Skeletal Muscle Mass: 25.8kg; Percentage Body Fat: 50%) That was November 20, 2017. I'm currently on my 7th month, on my 84th day going to the gym up to date. My last check was last April 25, 2018. Let me put that in a table for you to compare.

	20-Nov	21-Dec	8-Mar	28-Mar	25-Apr
Weight (kg)	94.4	92.2	87.1	85	83.9
SMM (kg)	25.8	25.8	25.7	25.7	25.9
PBF(%)	50	48.8	46.1	44.9	43.6

Yes, my progress is really evidently going down the good way, but I think my next one would be a bit unusual since I feel I really gained weight but maybe, hopefully it's because of muscle build up. Again never watch the scales. Watch the progress.

To end my post here is my picture wearing the same shirt, about 4 years apart, having the similar weight (I was around 190-200lbs that time, now I'm around 184.58lbs), and still being the fan girl and kain after concert girl I am.

So to all those aspiring gym-goers, diet-ers, fitness goals pushers... GO! Laban lang! 💪

Just for me... (Don't know what to say)

I don't reply to you or even marked you as seen cause you did that to me too...

But the main reason is...

Don't feel as if you're not special... Coz believe me you are the most special person to me right now...

...and besides I love it that you're the reason why my messenger icon has one notification.

Currently these are my thoughts right now. I wanted to let you know, but I'm just too scared to feel rejected, to feel unloved. The song "Afraid for love to fade" by Jose Mari Chan (revived by Christian Bautista) always comes to my mind,

I'm just afraid for love to fade before it can come true. I know you always tell me that true love means loving someone despite the it not being reciprocated, but aren't you tired of all these? You know money... you play stocks... So you know that not having return just hurts you back but yes that's the gamble you give when you want more in return. But the question is... If you've been hurt a million times would you be cautious not to give in and invest in another one that would eventually possibly fail? I searched my entire life for that special thing they called LOVE, but for my 26 years of existence I never felt it back. I was always the giver but never the reciever.

I sometimes wonder is there anything wrong with me, is there something more cruel than this. I even feel ashamed of myself whenever I see someone less successful (in terms of career), less beautiful (i know I'm just average and I never felt beautiful except in edited pictures), more bigger (yeah I know people tell me girl "it's your weight!" but I doubt it I had perfectly NORMAL BMI when I was in High School but never had a suitor) girl than me has this sweet guy where she could wrap around her arms around anytime she wishes to. Older folks told me, you're still young he's just out there, WAIT! I know... If I want a perfect story to unfold, I should patiently wait for him. But see people my age have been at least once tried to be suitored by someone, but no one has ever showed me being a gentleman, cause most of you think I am a gentleman as well. Haha... Even calling me Pare or Brad. But hey I bet you know for sure I am not and I bet you first also thought I was. That's when I realize I should stop using that stupid calling to you so that you'll remember I am a girl (well if I still don't qualify to be a lady) who can also be loved.

You know the matter with me is that, I always tend to "like" a person when I loose that communication. I don't know if it's just missing the conversations or maybe perhaps I fell for you during those short talks when your eyes were focused on me that as our eyes meet I eventually look away, cause I felt my heart melt. I honestly can't talk to people looking in the eye for long. It's true (now my red cross-ss fambam will kill me) I tend to look at other parts of a person's face rather so that I can continue my talking. But as I look into those cheeks, it makes me want to seal a kiss on it. I look at your lips as you talk I just wonder more how it tastes. As I look at your face I really just melt away. You're not that prince that every girl has been dreaming of (and even maybe me) but you're more worth it than a prince who would never sit down and listen to me for hours (minutes lang kaya nun eh) You know my dreamy fantasies of a prince, you know only your height suits his (I even dreamt of you being mistaken as him by another fan) but still I find you more better than him. You're humor is way better and my grumpy, high blood, moody self would always wonder what life would it be if I have someone like you who would easily calm me down when I'm about to explode by just one joke. I wonder if my ill-temper would disappear since you'll be there to tell me face to face that i have been reacting too much.

I know you know I once loves someone as well as I know you loved someone too much. I'm not sure if you know that my recent love story was just an dellusion (meaning may trigger wala lang talaga yung actual) I created in my head, or maybe there was really a thing but he never felt the need to flex it out and give ours a shot (sabi sa'yo dellusion eh! Till now?!) Well I'd rather believe the latter. But I just want you to know, it's not just you who's been through rough times. It's not just you who've been afraid all this time to fall back again and loose the game. I felt our connection, but I know I am afraid to risk it all up for you to know that I want you as someone to be beside me. Just beside me, all the time. I don't need a person to give me my physical needs, I don't need a person to give me his bank account, I don't need a person to give me words of wisdom (though I know you're just full of this).

All I need is someone I can run to when I feel weak, when I feel that I have no one else I could run to, when I just need a person who would listen to me. I got God, my family and friends to do the rest, but I feel there's always a gap. I think it fits you.

I don't know if you'll be able to read this or not. But I just need to let this all out. Who knows maybe someday like my past blogs reading this would be putting my face inside a paperbag with holes so that no one could ever see me.  Or maybe I might find myself re-reading this while I am lying in bed in a fine Sunday morning laughing at myself with someone else's arms as my pillow. Or maybe I might be reading this 3-5yrs from now with you by my side laughing along side me and kissing my head and rubbing it for a job well done cause you fell for this post.

I'm leaving this here... Just for me to read it in the future.

UNEMPLOYED me

I've been unofficially but technically a TAMBAY for a year now and I tried applying to some companies (as a company nurse) and even to hospitals, but I think my luck just disappeared. Though my friends even told me to try applying in our Alma mater since they are constantly hiring, them ranting and sharing all the hardships they have is enough for me to decline the offer.

Currently, I am busy with being a DEDICATED Red Cross Volunteer. Still not sure if teaching is my passion or is it really being on the game field of illnesses and the dying is my destiny, I'm currently stuck on this cause this is the only thing I can and may do as of the moment not to be an idle soul. And mind you it may seem that I'm tired of it but NO!!! I'm still enjoying every single bit of it but the constant (well not that everyday thing but still) nagging of my dear mom is affecting me already.

Honestly, if only this thing I do now love doing gives me enough to support me financially and keep me at least alive I WOULD CONTINUE SERVING. But it has come to this point that my mother's simple words kind of struck me. And yes, thinking of her age I understand why she keeps on telling me to MOVE! She's already 53 (turning 54 this June) and is not getting young. She seems to be wanting to retire ever since she got that "Laid off because of Work Description Redundancy" but then her PRIDE induced unica hija is an UNEMPLOYED BUT ONE TIME BOARD PASSER, MEDICINE PROPER FAILURE RED CROSS VOLUNTEER INSTRUCTOR at the moment and obviously I'm financially dependent to her.

A month ago I was given an opportunity to teach First Aid in the hospital I tried to applied to. The training manager asked me if I tried applying, and told me to pass my resume to her. I did and so I wished, I hope and I pray that they would call me. But hearing from my friend, co-instructor that she was hired and is waiting for her orientation schedule and that during the interview NEWLY GRADUATES WHO SUBMITTED THEIR RESUME JUST THIS JANUARY WERE HER CO-INTERVIEWEES, I just felt sad that how come newly grads are taken into consideration than us who graduated almost 3 years already and have all the trainings we needed and to add to that we are qualified enough for the job (fyi my board rating is line of 8 and i belong to the upper half of my class). Then just recently my co-instructor who submitted the resume just weeks before mine already got the call and is for examination already. Well I believe he is very much qualified, or even overqualified for the position. I also just learned that a friend is very much excited to get into the Hemodialysis world and has already finished her cases and is hoping she could be absorbed by the training center she trained in. And another friend constantly getting rackets as a reliever nurse in companies is happy with her constant relieving. I am VERY MUCH HAPPY FOR THEM, HONESTLY, but the fact that I am being left behind by these people I am used to be with through hardships and simple joys are now finding their paths now, the paths they dreamed of and wished to get into makes me happy but honestly at the same time... DEPRESSED.

Though I am positively, patiently, wishing, hoping, and praying that I WOULD BE CONTACTED SOON by any company, hospital or work place in any job position I may be placed in. I still have that feeling of negativity asking myself UNTIL WHEN? Until when can I wait? Until when do I have to be constantly told by my mom to move. Until when will I remain as a volunteer? Until when will I have to feel ALONE, facing all these problems by myself as a PRETENTIOUS BRAVE GIRL standing up after her failure in 1st year Medical Proper.

Though a positive thing I found as a a TAMBAY...

1. I get to control my own time
2. I still get allowance from mom :D
3. I get to travel with friends and relatives whenever I want
4. I can impulsively go to a certain place without the problem of being in danger of loosing a source of income, let's say a JOB
5. I can just stay at home the whole day and do all the things sung by Bruno (-babes) Mars in his song THE LAZY SONG
6. I can watch concerts and even be invited in events (either for a huge amount of money or the best FREE!!!)
7. I can plan vacations so that when money/opportunity comes I can do them ;)
8. I can be my mom & dad's spy while they're away at work (spying on our drivers, school bus helpers and house hold help)
9. I don't pay any tax
10. and here's the greatest thing I think... I CAN STILL BE AN ACTIVE RED CROSS VOLUNTEER!!! (told you I love being a volunteer)

I hope people who read this would understand me more now. I hope you won't get me wrong...
I LOVE BEING A RED CROSS VOLUNTEER
I LOVE MY MOTHER
BUT THE FACT THAT I FEEL BEING LEFT ALONE, BEING STAGNANT IN MY WORLD, BEING CONTENTED IN WHAT I HAVE RIGHT NOW BUT CONSTANTLY GETTING THOUGHTS OF I NEED TO MOVE BECAUSE MOM'S NOT GETTING YOUNGER AND SO IS DAD, it just makes me feel more DEPRESSED, INFERIOR, ALONE...